im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
