i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
