it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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