I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
