if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
