Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
