i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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