My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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