I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize