I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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