You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
