I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
bring money and cleavage
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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