Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
