Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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