Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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