I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
