I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
