I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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