no, he came in my armpit
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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