So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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