I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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