he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
