I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize