I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
