dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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