I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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