UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
