so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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