What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
