You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
