my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
