i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
