It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
