something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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