There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
