I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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