He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
