Slut skills are useful in every country.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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