rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
