This is not my ceiling
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize