Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
