I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
