You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
