Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i think my cat just said my name.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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