I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
