I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There's always time for handjobs
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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