I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
