actually, I'm a sock model
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i think my cat just said my name.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize