Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
