We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
