he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
