This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
