So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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