she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
