I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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