Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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