i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
