Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
