Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He passed out mid-signature
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
