Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
