Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
