How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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