i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
