what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
