im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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