Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
