So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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