I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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