This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
