Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
