He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
