Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
