I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
