she looked like the bat from fern gully.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
