How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Who died my cat blue again?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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